Lost in my thoughts

2010-11-10T12:35:00.002-05:00

My words have been slipping away from me like a thief at night before I can collect them and put them in safekeeping. So I wonder if I am doing it intentionally for what is there for me to face if I do not have the words to direct me to the things I need to face. A lot of stupid things have captivated my mind only because they are easy and it is so much easier to be critical and judgmental. I am relieved for the free time I have right now and I have been given a breathing room to think and reorganize.

There are so many different kinds of love.
You can love someone very much and more than you realize and the fullness of that love can only be understood when you have said your goodbye and it still lingers with such stubbornness, it still reside in your heart but you know that it is over.

Then you meet someone who teaches you or at least give you the love that you used to give away. You know that you do not take it for granted but appreciate it to the fullest because there was once when you gave that same love away without anything being returned. To be in the receiving end opens your eyes to what love is really about and there is nothing more you can do but surrender and take in all that it has to offer.

Sometimes I wonder why do people reject the very love they want? Are there people who believe that they don't deserve that kind of love? Is the responsibility too hard to possess that kind of love and make the worse mistake of their life? I wonder...

2010-05-12T00:07:00.000-04:00

I wish...I so wish...their jaded eyes, assaulted heart, and tormented soul will cling onto the hope and not allow anyone to rob it from them...

2010-04-28T18:37:00.003-04:00

Things that are dead should remain dead.

What is the point of talking to it, when it has nothing to say?

What is the point of shaking it, when it will remain motionless and rigid?

Its coldness can never been warmed up.

It is lifeless and cannot be revived as its spirit has left, never to be returned.

I keep shivering. Things that are dead should remain dead.

2010-04-15T23:23:00.000-04:00

I should be sleeping but here I am once again lost in my thoughts...and this time not just one but two float in and out my consciousness. And of course it is an itch that cannot be dismissed or an itch that will never be relieved.

Who said that the person we are likely to fall in love with ultimately must be a reflection of you both physically and mentally. Ah, poor Narcissus...I wonder if there was an identical version of ourselves of the opposite sex, would we truly fall for each other? Oh how boring!

When you paint a picture, do you paint and use colors and strokes and images based on your interpretation or do you let your subject lead you to the secret garden?

2010-04-01T23:11:00.004-04:00

Do your words surpass space and time?

Have you thought about the responsibility you owe when you solidify, verbalize, concretize your emotion and abstract thoughts?

When you whispered, “I love you” softly enough that it could be only heard by the person you were directing to, how do you know one day you do not want to suck those words right back inside into your head because you changed your mind? It was just a passing emotion…passing path…

Do they become less significant? Or they just weight less?

Do your words surpass space and time…?

2010-03-29T20:48:00.003-04:00

I like getting lost doing my jigsaw puzzle. The silence and stillness I need can be achieved as I slowly gaze at the thousand pieces to come together as one.

Some are easy to put together - so obvious you can do it swiftly but some arouse your desire to give up...to quit. You encounter a piece you think is the right one and you are so very sure where it belongs but once you try to fit it, you discover it actually doesn't.

The worse is when you find yourself deceived. It looked perfect and it seemed to fit until later something is wrong and nothing seems right and you have to locate the one that's ruining it from forming the whole picture.

Then you are befuddled for there is a rare piece or two you never thought is actually the missing piece you have been looking for. You take a chance with the lingering doubt but it fits perfectly. Alone it doesn't look anything like it belongs anywhere but once you do fit it, it makes perfect sense.

How simple but yet complicated it is to do a jigsaw puzzle...

2010-03-26T16:30:00.004-04:00

It is disgustingly repulsive how much we love ourselves.
It is pathetically vomitous how much we hate ourselves.

2010-03-23T22:32:00.004-04:00

I left him but he didn't stop me.